Fogive
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From # Optimist_Ibk Desk.
Today I will be writing my article on # FOGIVE with Ten (10) keys of Forgiveness.
Have you ever said – I will never forgive that person? Or how about - I will forgive, but will never forget? if you were the victim of a crime, or had a relative who died as a result of a crime – could you forgive the person responsible? This doesn’t even address the question of whether others can forgive us for things we may have said or done in anger, where we regret it later, or wish that we could take it back and be forgiven for our actions or statements.
Whether it is a specific act or just words that are very hurtful; chances are we will have a number of lifetime experiences that will raise the issue of forgiveness, consciously or subconsciously.
Forgiveness is perhaps one of the most emotional and psychological experiences we will ever encounter. It involves feelings of anger, revenge, resentment, hurt, hostility, sadness, bitterness, retaliation or retribution. At the same time, depending on whether we are seeking forgiveness, are asked to forgive someone else or forgive ourselves, it can also involve reconciliation, compromise, concessions, contrition, atonement, repentance or redemption.
This article proposes 10 ways in which we may be able to forgive from a Christian perspective. These 10 keys do not necessarily need to be done in any particular order. Rather, any one key alone may help you achieve some degree of forgiveness.
1) "Let Go Of The Anger" – Holding on to the anger that may be associated with an incident or experience that causes us hurt, can lead to hate, and perhaps a lingering desire for retaliation or revenge. This is destructive and causes an emotional drain on us even if we don’t realize it.
2) "Don’t Be Stubborn" - For some reason, it seems to be a lot easier to hold on to the anger and hurt feelings associated with an injustice, and we can become comfortable with the feeling of retribution because we somehow want to punish the person that hurt us. After all, why should we be willing to forgive someone when what that person did or said was not our fault? We feel justified in our anger with the other person, so we feel that we have every right to be stubborn and locked into the position we are taking.
3) "Stop Thinking Of Yourself As A Victim" – Generally, if we are angry with someone, it is because we feel that they have committed a serious wrong against us. Whether this feeling is real or perceived, we still feel that an injustice has been done, and that we have been treated unfairly. We can’t help but feel sorry for ourselves to some degree, and we expect others to feel sorry for us as well. This is perhaps the classic “victim mentality” which is easy to fall into when we feel an injustice has been done.
4) "Focus On The Future" - Usually what has been done cannot be undone and dwelling on the past only perpetuates the hurt feelings that resulted from what caused the problem in the first place. Continually bringing up sore points or issues of the past will only make the rift larger.
5) "Re-Learn to Trust" – Complete forgiveness means that we must re-learn to trust the individual that caused the hurt in the first place. In re-learning to trust, you must allow yourself to be vulnerable – open to criticism (hopefully constructive).
6) "Be Reasonable in Your Expectations of Others" – In the midst of anger, our emotions are high and frequently our judgment of fairness is clouded. We expect others to recognise the injustice they have done, and apologise immediately and profusely. We want the person to atone to us in some elaborate or excessive manner. The mind-set is that this is our way of ensuring that an apology is genuine if one is offered.
7) "Expect That It Will Take Time To Forgive" – At this point in time in human evolution, we have grown accustom to, and expect “quick fixes” and “instant gratification” for solutions to almost every problem. Healing from a hurt may generally come with the passage of time, but you must allow yourself time to reach the level of forgiveness appropriate for the circumstances .
8) "Examine Your Heart" – [This is one of the hardest] - Look within yourself to see if you are contributing to situations that you may later regret and will need to seek forgiveness. Is your behaviour or off-handed comments contributing to a strained relationship? Think before you speak. While we have a constitutional right to the freedom of speech, we do not have an “inalienable right” to say what ever we want, any time we want, particularly if it may be hurtful.
9) "Let Forgiveness Become An Everyday Practice" – What a transforming experience it would be in our lives if we were able to forgive someone immediately upon them committing the offence – without hanging on to the anger for a much longer period of time.
10) "Ask God For Guidance" – Being able to forgive or seek forgiveness is not just an intellectual decision, but there is also a spiritual dimension involved.
In the parable of the unmerciful servant in the book of Matthew in the Bible, we find some guidance on how we should deal with forgiveness. "if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” ( Matthew 6:14 , NIV)
“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times? Jesus answered, I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven. (Matthew 18:21)
From # Optimist_Ibk Desk.
Today I will be writing my article on # FOGIVE with Ten (10) keys of Forgiveness.
Have you ever said – I will never forgive that person? Or how about - I will forgive, but will never forget? if you were the victim of a crime, or had a relative who died as a result of a crime – could you forgive the person responsible? This doesn’t even address the question of whether others can forgive us for things we may have said or done in anger, where we regret it later, or wish that we could take it back and be forgiven for our actions or statements.
Whether it is a specific act or just words that are very hurtful; chances are we will have a number of lifetime experiences that will raise the issue of forgiveness, consciously or subconsciously.
Forgiveness is perhaps one of the most emotional and psychological experiences we will ever encounter. It involves feelings of anger, revenge, resentment, hurt, hostility, sadness, bitterness, retaliation or retribution. At the same time, depending on whether we are seeking forgiveness, are asked to forgive someone else or forgive ourselves, it can also involve reconciliation, compromise, concessions, contrition, atonement, repentance or redemption.
This article proposes 10 ways in which we may be able to forgive from a Christian perspective. These 10 keys do not necessarily need to be done in any particular order. Rather, any one key alone may help you achieve some degree of forgiveness.
1) "Let Go Of The Anger" – Holding on to the anger that may be associated with an incident or experience that causes us hurt, can lead to hate, and perhaps a lingering desire for retaliation or revenge. This is destructive and causes an emotional drain on us even if we don’t realize it.
2) "Don’t Be Stubborn" - For some reason, it seems to be a lot easier to hold on to the anger and hurt feelings associated with an injustice, and we can become comfortable with the feeling of retribution because we somehow want to punish the person that hurt us. After all, why should we be willing to forgive someone when what that person did or said was not our fault? We feel justified in our anger with the other person, so we feel that we have every right to be stubborn and locked into the position we are taking.
3) "Stop Thinking Of Yourself As A Victim" – Generally, if we are angry with someone, it is because we feel that they have committed a serious wrong against us. Whether this feeling is real or perceived, we still feel that an injustice has been done, and that we have been treated unfairly. We can’t help but feel sorry for ourselves to some degree, and we expect others to feel sorry for us as well. This is perhaps the classic “victim mentality” which is easy to fall into when we feel an injustice has been done.
4) "Focus On The Future" - Usually what has been done cannot be undone and dwelling on the past only perpetuates the hurt feelings that resulted from what caused the problem in the first place. Continually bringing up sore points or issues of the past will only make the rift larger.
5) "Re-Learn to Trust" – Complete forgiveness means that we must re-learn to trust the individual that caused the hurt in the first place. In re-learning to trust, you must allow yourself to be vulnerable – open to criticism (hopefully constructive).
6) "Be Reasonable in Your Expectations of Others" – In the midst of anger, our emotions are high and frequently our judgment of fairness is clouded. We expect others to recognise the injustice they have done, and apologise immediately and profusely. We want the person to atone to us in some elaborate or excessive manner. The mind-set is that this is our way of ensuring that an apology is genuine if one is offered.
7) "Expect That It Will Take Time To Forgive" – At this point in time in human evolution, we have grown accustom to, and expect “quick fixes” and “instant gratification” for solutions to almost every problem. Healing from a hurt may generally come with the passage of time, but you must allow yourself time to reach the level of forgiveness appropriate for the circumstances .
8) "Examine Your Heart" – [This is one of the hardest] - Look within yourself to see if you are contributing to situations that you may later regret and will need to seek forgiveness. Is your behaviour or off-handed comments contributing to a strained relationship? Think before you speak. While we have a constitutional right to the freedom of speech, we do not have an “inalienable right” to say what ever we want, any time we want, particularly if it may be hurtful.
9) "Let Forgiveness Become An Everyday Practice" – What a transforming experience it would be in our lives if we were able to forgive someone immediately upon them committing the offence – without hanging on to the anger for a much longer period of time.
10) "Ask God For Guidance" – Being able to forgive or seek forgiveness is not just an intellectual decision, but there is also a spiritual dimension involved.
In the parable of the unmerciful servant in the book of Matthew in the Bible, we find some guidance on how we should deal with forgiveness. "if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” ( Matthew 6:14 , NIV)
“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times? Jesus answered, I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven. (Matthew 18:21)
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